up late because i am an adult

am i a jack ass? yes. am i stupider than you? yes. am i really 6'0"? wellll... depends on what authority you consult... UCA media guide had me at 6'1"... i sweet talked the heavy set trainer lady... it was really important though.. not because i wanted to be listed as taller than i really was.. but because my sweet talk at the weigh-in failed and i tipped the scales at like 210... 5'11.75" 210 is stocky... i was not stocky at that point.. i told the lady measuring height that quarterbacks couldnt be short & fat, so either she change the weight or the height. so 6'1" ,210lbs. i was. similar sad story, when entering a bar last summer, i handed over my drivers license and the bouncer looked up with a sad look and said, "what happened man?" The picture was taken when i was about 200lbs. and that night i stood in the tragic glory of nearly 250lbs. i just shook my head and fought back the emotions.. then proceeded to the restroom where i purged whatever fried concoction i had just consumed.jk.
i love story time so because i am adult and can proclaim story time when i want to..i do it often
I am not a fine teller of stories but i rarely forget stories so i tell a lot of them. good&bad.
NOTES ON TELLING:
- Do not be insecure about stories with dead ends, just learn from your mistakes.
- Be colorful, Be humble, be serious, use profanity when all else fails.
- if you are going to exaggerate, only do it to make yourself look worse, not better.
- if you know a great story about a friend that no one knows.. tell it to your audience as if it were you and fill them in afterwards on who it really was.
-- it allows you to skip awkward explanations like "this guy i know, and this other guy were - blah blah blahin and the other guy said to the guy i know..."

HERE ARE THE BEST NEW STORIES I HAVE:
i was on my way to campus to study during finals about 2 months ago. it was about 9pm, which at the time felt like 4am, when i pulled up to a red light. A car in the turn only lane signalled to enter my lane in front of me. so i stopped short of the car to create enough room for the car to at least angle in when the light turned. as the light turned i let off the break, expecting the car next to me to quickly proceed in front, but when they hesitated i tapped my breaks and got rear-ended. it was barely a nudge but i did feel it, so i stopped and hopped out quickly as did the driver that bumped me.
I leaned over as if to assess my damage, and with out really looking..
i said - "looks like i am good! yours alright?"
he said - "yeah looks fine."
i said back, - "Great! we're good then?"
he said - "you sure?"
i said "yeah man, no harm, and i am tired and in a hurry."
i shook his hand and started back to my car then
he said back, - "you sure man, i can follow you to a gas.."
right then i cut him off yelling over my shoulder,
"WE'RE GOOD, IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY, 'CUZ I AM TIRED AND I GOT TO TAKE A SHIT!" HE YELLED BACK THROUGH LAUGHTER,
- " UMM THANKS, OH AND GOOD LUCK! all i could muster through my surging bowel was - "YEAH!"

LAST and LEAST
- i played in my first basketball game in a long time last night. I am on a team with only a couple of i know. when i arrived at the gym for the game i found out that our opponent was a group of Asian exchange students.
- in an effort to break the ice because several of teammates hardly know me, I got everyone to huddle up before the shoot around. i said, " Can we just get it in here for a team meeting to talk about the game." the guys kind of obliged because they didn't know me or how to react to such a weird request. after all its intramurals brother! who has team huddles for intramural basketball?
- anyways once everyone gathered, i concentrated and held a straight face and gave a speech.
" Guys, i just wanted to get in here and talk about this. Yes its basketball and its just intramurals, but if you'll look across the court you will realize that this is bigger than us! this is a clash of world powers, and cultural ideals! tonight we are not just playing for the name on our shirts but we are playing for a flag, our country and our God! take that intensity to the game!"

we lost. mark one up for communism.

sorry America.

But dont cast stones...a guy in spandex shorts, a collared shirt, and penny loafers hit a 25 ft. three pointer to take the lead on us with under a minute to go. he killed us all night because nobody wanted to make contact with him.. there was very little between the world and his manhood.

long live westernized sportswear
td shiznit

all time best thing i wrote on a rubberband,
LORD MAKE ME FAST & ACCURATE
(The Patriot)