DARINGLY MEDIOCRE

in a previous rant about manliness, i said that 6 a.m. was the finest and most under-utilized hour of the day. i stand by that statement and want to further explain that stance.



on tiger woods being daringly spectacular.


He wakes up at 5 a.m. every day, no matter what time he goes to bed, and he diligently strives to improve each and every day. Tiger says he is accustomed to this lifestyle and so it comes easy to him. Next time you wake up at 9 a.m., remember that you just spotted another 4 hours to Tiger Woods!

i apologise in advance for sentences that lack proper punctuation and have multiple mispellings and seem to lack any concern for train of thought or end in sight...if you know what i mean..i have been criticised in the past for such errors. to those critics i suggest not focusing on the wrong part of the story.. like Joe Dirt(e) told Kickin' Wing the firework salesman soon to be animal doctor(Kickin' Ass)..

i worked in a maintenance shop for an oil and gas company for a few summers in college. summer jobs that pay you more than minimum wage AND that allow you forty plus hours a week are hard to come by. unless you want to sell knives door to door or something..(you set your hours, you decide your hourly wage..bull shit) this job paid nearly double minimum wage and a 60 hour week...if you could handle the grind. i slept in a bunk house on site. these meant that i could wake up and be working in less than five minutes after my feet hit the floor..with breakfast. starting time was 5 a.m. the quiet hour. the only hour of the day at the shop with no machines, fans, or motors running. (this was in part due to coffee.) the guy who uses the loud equipment, was also the guy that made or rather cared for the coffee. the easiest hour of the day by far was the 5 o'clock hour.. well Geriatric Jerry(old shop hand) claims the easiest hour was 4am to 5 am which he usually worked alone. Geritol Jerry is an interesting character i plan on developing in a later blog but just know he smoked Parliament cigarettes. One-thumb-Doug started at 5 and was the self-appointed wake-up call for the spoiled-ass college kids. he would turn on the lights in our room every morning, and yell out something like, "moan less go" at an irritating volume. All this to say that come 5 o'clock Thursday afternoon, having logged 48 hours of work, the college boys were heading home for a long weekend. We were spectacularly mediocre. at $12 an hour we worked hard for about 40 hours. the next 8 hours we earned $18 an hour. with an entire day left to work, we almost always packed up and went home. This was part of the deal, you work however many hours you want. had i worked just 8 hours every Friday that summer i would have made an additional $2000..had i worked twelve hour Fridays i could have earned an additional $3000. and had i started at 4am every morning with GERIATRIC JERRY.. and worked 12 hours every Friday.. i would have made an additional $4100 for the summer..

Respect, admire, and become a morning person like tiger woods and Jerry "Don't call me Geritol" Ivy,or dare to be glaringly mediocre. you may sleep til noon and be amazingly successful, and getting up at 5 am may not allow you to drive the ball 300 yards. but if you are sleeping until day light and don't know why you cant get ahead, wake up and smell the Geritol.

ERE DAY SHAT

i have an internal bout every week or so over time units(seconds, minutes, hours). i mean some seconds take minutes and some hours take seconds. for example,somewhere a kid is trying to break his personal record for holding his breath which until now has been exactly one minute. he gets passed the 55 second mark, little more than 5 seconds until he breaks the record,suddenly seconds triple in length, while somewhere else, during the exact same 60 second span, some guy sprints(on his tiptoes) through a QUICKSTOP store, kicks in a bathroom door, flips on the light, struggles with hand to hand combat with his belt and button,rips open his fly, then pauses, and when the pressure eases momentarily he leaves his feet and lands at terminal velocity on the coldest, grossest, finest most wonderful thing his two fat cheeks have every been privileged to touch. the value and length of a second is relative to circumstance. why does the fifteen minutes between snoozes last for only a blink of an eye and the last fifteen minutes at work on friday last 6 hours.



temperature: i shouldnt even have to expand on this. how is it that i can be sweating hot, in a room that is 70 degrees, and my wife have blue hands because she is so cold? i know there is a reasonable answer circulatory or some shit but really it is remarkable that neither party can identify with what the other is going through.



GIV 'EM WHAT THEY WANT

somewhat daily short

The whole nine yards...not a football term..once you know its origin you will understand and greater appreciate this term.. it is military slang.. one ammunition belt from a belly-gunner's machine gun is 27 feet long..so when a target was overly difficult or stubborn..soldiers would say i gave it" the whole nine yards"..pretty badass if you ask me.
also i have not confirmed this but one of the smartest guys i have ever known made a pretty awesome claim about the "finger" supposedly it was first used in centuries past when archers were relevant in war..when archers surrendered or were captured and not killed.. the enemy would cut off the middle and index finger before releasing them to take away their ability to draw and fire an arrow from a bow..for pride or taunting archers would flash the middle and index finger..it evolved into the single middle finger.
Son of a Gun
civilian women were once allowed to travel on navy ships to keep up the spirits of the sailors..
on occasion, as you might expect, a woman would birth a child without a definite father.. the child's birth certificate would read son of a gun, referring to the artillery on board the ship


COMMENT WITH STRONG, COMMONLY UNKNOWN ORIGINS