SEASONS GREETINGS S.i.B. PATRONS!
this is usually the order that we ask for a favor, even if we dont use the words. Probably because of the nature of favors, but its awkward none the less. I do not hesitate to ask for help in most situations. I hate being a burden to anyone but because I have a condition that won't allow me to say no if I can help it, I have the license to ask for favors. well... that is not entirely true.(explanation: If it is obvious that chairs/tables will have to be away, or put out I will dissappear like a black sock.) I admit that it is shameful but I would rather move a piano alone than put out folding chairs. I remember a time when I was eager to serve in that setting but I was a victim of lunch detention far too many times to voluntarily stack/unstack chairs and tables. The high school disciplinarian/handyman was a dear friend, so even if I was not due for "serving time" he found me at lunch with some smartass comment and TELL me, couldga, wouldga, do ya mind? helping clean-up. My No to NO condition forced me to agree. The worst part about lunch detention was the smell of taco-stackup that stuck to me until the next day when it was beef tips. So now I dissappear before the process begins because if i wait until it begins there is inevitably an old woman between me and the exit casting stones at my able body from her hov-around, with a half dozen metal chairs across her lap. If you need a favor dont hesitate to ask, just ask in this way, couldga? do ya mind? the other way is screwed up. if i admit that i could and that i dont mind, why ask if i would? you may even change the whole process by starting with a statement like, we have 4,000 chairs to put up and we already have 300 people helping but if YOU COULD & YOU DONT MIND, I would appreciate if you WOULD help out. ALSO, if the situation is more like, we have 4,000 chairs to put out and we only have 3 people helping... dont ask DO YOU MIND! I, He, & SHE MINDS! On a list of things that includes running a 10k after a 36 chicken wing sitting and Helping an 82 year old naked man get out of his oatmeal bath, i mind more about putting out 1,000 chairs but if you ask and I could, I WOULD! DO YOU MIND, shit, who are you kidding!
BRIEFLY ON TO A MORE WORTH-WHILE couldga wouldga NOTE:
HEROs
- MEREDITH BOYD - [(Rustonian) at least near ruston,la]
I am not up on all the details but Meredith saved a life recently. at the scene of a car accident she stopped a man from bleeding to death by putting pressure on his juggular(if thats in the neck) until help arrived. They told her that the man would have certainly died had she not rushed to his aid and done precisely what she did.
- JONESBORIAN TWINS -(high schoolers from jonesboro, la)
(unfortunately I dont know their names but i will edit this later with names.)
The two boys came upon a car that had left the road and crashed into a pond. They rushed over and one of them jumped in and pulled the female driver from the car and got her to land. Once she got there she began yelling, "MY BABY!" over and over, so the other twin jumped into the water and pulled the child from the car and brought he/she back safely to the mother!
I cannot grasp how crazy the scenes must have been and how quick these heros were to help and serve. What could be more thrilling than snatching a life from jaws of certain death? I guess maybe having your own life saved may be more thrilling, i mean after all you gained far more than the hero, but short of that i cannot think of anything.
BACK TO THE FOOLISHNESS!
My wife and I attended our first meeting of the Homeowners Association of Bayridge. The mail-out said that the meeting was mandatory so being the No to No push-overs that we are, we attended. Much to my dismay there no finger foods but there were free pens so it was not a total loss. There were too many stero-types fit for television sit-com to include but i will let you in a few. To equal the average age of those in attendance, you would have to sum my age and my wifes and multiply by atleast 1.65 and I had a headache from perfume enhalation. Needless to say they knew our daily coming-and-going schedule, which gives me great comfort since my studying at the library has my wife alone at home from time to time. She is well monitored and secure inside the compound. They asked for volunteers for a Christmas party planner and every eye in the room was set on my wife, including mine. I shifted in my chair and turned squarely towards her, with a serious wrinkled brow look as if to ask, WHATCHU GOIN DO? I was so proud when she looked across the crowd with an unwaivering sterness that said, YOU MAY AS WELL MOVE ON, CUZ I SURE AS HELL AINT PLANNING NO DAMN GERIATRIC MIXER!
I sat wondering what these old coggers thought of us. I know the ladies were making a list of things they could ask me to move, carry, kill..which reminded me to change my cell phone number and make my come-and-go schedule a little less predictable.
BY THE BIZZLE
i may have started the rubberband with writing on them thing. As a youngster, i wrote on rubberbands and put them on my wrist. I am not claiming that I came up with the idea but i am claiming that i started it around the beginning of the WWJD trend and before the Live Strong introduction. I actually got the idea from the produce aisle. The rubberbands that hold things like aspargus together have words on them and so I started writing stuff on rubberbands and then lance armstrong stole my idea. Thats why i know he took steroids, he will do anything to get ahead. i am kidding...about the steroids atleast.
Anyways life is good at the old folks home and my dearest apologies for not posting more frequently. If i am not better in the near future, I will shut this thing down and just get the email addresses of those interested in receiveing a quarterly publication.
Blunderously Yaws,
SHEEZY
