i dreamed recently that i was on a greyhound bus. i was seated with eli manning. he sat down and said 'ok shaw, how crazy is it that i was the qb on a super bowl winning team?' i said " on the team, dude you won the game'... he said as if more surprised than anyone, 'I KNOW!' he stated and kind of asked at the same time..' i mean you are probably like me, you are always just hoping to get away with a bad decision because i have pretty much decided thats all i make." i replied quickly, "oh without a doubt, most times i called plays i hoped what i was planning on doing would just by coincidence be the right choice but never did i think quickly enough to decide the exact right choice" he laughed and said, " that is exactly what i am talking about.... if plaxico would have dropped any ball all night we lose by four touchdowns, because i would have fallen apart, the momentum just never let up...and now here i am!..i got that behind me!" last thing he said before the dream got less realistic and overall bizarre...was " how good is Tom Brady?" i explained my feelings and then the bus stopped and we got off... he said 'there is someone i want you to meet" we stepped off and archie and peyton were standing at the door of the bus.. i stepped off and reached out for a handshake,, archie came in for the real thing though. he has an incredible memory in my dream... i met archie and peyton many years ago at a football camp, and archie quickly recognized me as a Ruston boy..."your from Jones country he said" he asked if i ever talk to bert and Dub jones anymore as if he remembered us being big buddies. peyton played it cool the entire time.. my dream kind of makes since to this point.. these are all people that america feels like they can relate to... eli then says to me, 'that is not who i wanted you to meet'.. the bus pulls off like it does on extreme home makeover.. and oprah is standing there yelling at me, with this big goofy grin on her face. we were outside then but in an instant we are standing in her living room and she is showing me her fabulous home. she is so happy to have me, and i am trying to figure out why... "your wife is going to be very jealous"...i got scared that my dream was going to be ruined by oprah putting the moves on me("nnnnothing happened"joe dirt ref.) she cleared it up when she said, "while i go get ready for my show... you should take a look around my closet...i entered into a room the size of a basketball gym full of jackets, womens shoes and purses.. my wife would be jealous... but my wife would have been tempted to steal and so it was best i guess it was my dream and eli manning thought i would appreciate a visit to harpo studios as much as anyone.
special thanks to greyhound busline for making all this possible and to sears for sponsoring extreme home makeover.
gotta gotta give em what they want.
shaw tim
Saturday, March 22, 2008
there is no use fighting it
there are things in life that you cannot help but to get excited about. first i think we all agree, that a hair comb is only exciting one day a year. that's right, picture day at school. they give out free combs and you are overjoyed to have this free comb. as a precursor to my constant words without action, i remember really thinking that with this free comb i will maintain my hair daily, perhaps hourly because i will keep it in my desk and never be without a comb. year after year though i would bend it, twist it, pull it, bop it, until it was no longer useful for creating a handsome part. i think i even once thought that i may fashion it into a shiv in case things got rough on the play ground with the proverbial 5th graders. 5th graders everywhere still think that they are bad ass.
i traveled recently to and from denver, co. i drove there and would have made a land speed record if it wasn't for hurricane conditions. i felt like Helen hunt and the least famous guy from Apollo 13. storm chasing..hood knows if no one else knows. this brings me to my next " no need in fighting it" point. you want storms to be bad. its true. you want destruction. you want to regret not buying batteries for the thirteen dead flashlights you have. you enjoy gathering candles and waiting til things get really nasty. i have even found myself hoping to be chased by a tornado. its sick i know but you feel it too. (i want some feedback on this)
ALCOHOL, CHEWING GUM, BOTTLE OF WATER, GINGER ALE
anyways, i flew back from denver. i had a lot of time in the denver airport and came to a strong conclusion. if you have a layover in an airport, you instinctively crave a beer. its like you rush to get to through the lines, checking bags, throwing away shampoo that wont fit in the Ziploc... then you find yourself at your gate for departure with 4 hours to burn. hurry up and wait. i always think, what if i leave and they announce that we are boarding early and i miss my flight. first off i entertain the thought of reading or writing. then i kill that thought and opt for a seat at the bar. i sometimes go months without having even one beer. put me in airport and i am like zach morris at a toga party. luckily for me though i am not getting behind the wheel of lisa turtles moms car... wow memory lane. its like 8 am and people are bellied up, " give me a gin and tonic hold the tonic add vodka.. make it a double. once i have sloshed down the alcohol, i panic about the bathroom situation. not the beer coursing through my bladder but the "big job" on a plane scare. i dont remember ever having done it but imagine it to be one of the most nerve racking humiliating events one can have. sealed cabin environment? are you kidding? so i make a stop at the bathroom as a precautionary measure. by the way, if you have reservations about public bathrooms, a study showed that the cleanest stall is the one closest to the entrance. people avoid it because either it seems like it would be the nastiest.. or because of the leg exposure that you get. by the way also, i will one day release the *taj ma"stall" list of great #2 rooms in the lower 48.
after that pit stop, i move to the vendor counter for a pack of gum. the first time i remember flying, my ears popped and i was miserable until this kind lady offered me a stick of juicy fruit.. that is my flight gum of choice if it can be had. i get a bottle of water because while traveling i usually eat very poorly. as if i ever dont eat poorly. i feel that a bottle of water begins the home healthier process.
once on the plane of course we get our peanuts, and of course i get ginger ale. i have ginger ale mostly for the novelty. i think airlines keep Canada Dry out of red figures. well airlines and grandmothers. well maybe canadians too. hell they probably do very well for themselves without my stereotypes. i am everywhere tonight. maybe thats because its 4 in the freaking morning and i am at work! Holiday Inn Express in Ruston, this is Tim, how can i be of assistance to you! 99.95.. oh thats too high? well go to the hojo and have roaches crawl up your nose while you sleep.. that was gross and my **noncents must end.
* my brother gave me that term for fine stalls
** in a heated text messaging debate i mispelled sense, sents, or cents.. and Patrick (aka Al Roker) called me out, stopping whatever momentum i had.
*** i really like when reference are cleared up with little shift 8's
gibb umm what day want!
night audit landscape extraordinaire.
shiz
i traveled recently to and from denver, co. i drove there and would have made a land speed record if it wasn't for hurricane conditions. i felt like Helen hunt and the least famous guy from Apollo 13. storm chasing..hood knows if no one else knows. this brings me to my next " no need in fighting it" point. you want storms to be bad. its true. you want destruction. you want to regret not buying batteries for the thirteen dead flashlights you have. you enjoy gathering candles and waiting til things get really nasty. i have even found myself hoping to be chased by a tornado. its sick i know but you feel it too. (i want some feedback on this)
ALCOHOL, CHEWING GUM, BOTTLE OF WATER, GINGER ALE
anyways, i flew back from denver. i had a lot of time in the denver airport and came to a strong conclusion. if you have a layover in an airport, you instinctively crave a beer. its like you rush to get to through the lines, checking bags, throwing away shampoo that wont fit in the Ziploc... then you find yourself at your gate for departure with 4 hours to burn. hurry up and wait. i always think, what if i leave and they announce that we are boarding early and i miss my flight. first off i entertain the thought of reading or writing. then i kill that thought and opt for a seat at the bar. i sometimes go months without having even one beer. put me in airport and i am like zach morris at a toga party. luckily for me though i am not getting behind the wheel of lisa turtles moms car... wow memory lane. its like 8 am and people are bellied up, " give me a gin and tonic hold the tonic add vodka.. make it a double. once i have sloshed down the alcohol, i panic about the bathroom situation. not the beer coursing through my bladder but the "big job" on a plane scare. i dont remember ever having done it but imagine it to be one of the most nerve racking humiliating events one can have. sealed cabin environment? are you kidding? so i make a stop at the bathroom as a precautionary measure. by the way, if you have reservations about public bathrooms, a study showed that the cleanest stall is the one closest to the entrance. people avoid it because either it seems like it would be the nastiest.. or because of the leg exposure that you get. by the way also, i will one day release the *taj ma"stall" list of great #2 rooms in the lower 48.
after that pit stop, i move to the vendor counter for a pack of gum. the first time i remember flying, my ears popped and i was miserable until this kind lady offered me a stick of juicy fruit.. that is my flight gum of choice if it can be had. i get a bottle of water because while traveling i usually eat very poorly. as if i ever dont eat poorly. i feel that a bottle of water begins the home healthier process.
once on the plane of course we get our peanuts, and of course i get ginger ale. i have ginger ale mostly for the novelty. i think airlines keep Canada Dry out of red figures. well airlines and grandmothers. well maybe canadians too. hell they probably do very well for themselves without my stereotypes. i am everywhere tonight. maybe thats because its 4 in the freaking morning and i am at work! Holiday Inn Express in Ruston, this is Tim, how can i be of assistance to you! 99.95.. oh thats too high? well go to the hojo and have roaches crawl up your nose while you sleep.. that was gross and my **noncents must end.
* my brother gave me that term for fine stalls
** in a heated text messaging debate i mispelled sense, sents, or cents.. and Patrick (aka Al Roker) called me out, stopping whatever momentum i had.
*** i really like when reference are cleared up with little shift 8's
gibb umm what day want!
night audit landscape extraordinaire.
shiz
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
runnin the road
Thursday
i went fishing. bass fishin' that is. i put on an exhibition of course. the wind was frustrating but because i am a competitor and experienced angler, i pushed through with several big fish and a strong total for the day. even though fishing is somewhat sedentary i was exhausted when we finished. my guide(he may have been fishing too, i just cant remember because i was busy catching all the fish) viewed the day as a disappointment because we only caught about 15 fish. he pointed out when we were leaving that telling people we caught 15 fish would seem suspicious. so for all the naysayers out there we caught exactly 15 fish. had we caught 12 fish, yes i would have said we caught about 15 fish, had we caught 16 i would have probably said we caught about 20. by the way if you don't fish.. you need to. its one of those activities that makes you curse with excitement and curse out of frustration.
thursday night
road to houston in a 'BIG TRUCK'. that is what my wife calls eighteen wheelers. it was a big truck but we were not pulling a trailer which is known in the biz as bobtailed. we made good time cuz there were not many pigs or evil canevils out. plus we went around by grandmas house to miss the chicken coupes. i am not sure what all that means but it is CB talk. it means there were no cop cars or motorcycle cops out and about and we didnt have to stop at any rest areas because we went around the weigh stations. i fell asleep and woke up to find my father-in-law to have finished most of the work that i came to help him with. it was not a proud moment but it is a great testament to his ageless durability and effort to outwork kids nearly half his age. we arrived back in ruston after noon friday.
worked friday and saturday night.
sunday night
i went to a keith urban concert with my wife and her family. it was actually really good. i decide how much i enjoy concerts based on how willing i would be to go back. i would go back any time. i was surprised at how handsome he was.. i mean talented. talented. he played a mandoline and played his guitar like a drum... not at the same time but at different times during the event.. his songs are pop country-ish but it was very entertaining...i would recommend it.
i left the concert around 10:15 and drove to Lafayette. i made it in a landspeed record. i went there to caddy for a friend (buh, BP, B, brad) it was a bad day playing wise.. there were gale force winds against us or across us all day.we had three holes that i can remember that had a tail wind. one player in our group hit a 3 wood about 140 yds long and 60 yards off target.the shot was followed by the other two players including brad hitting a ball half as far as intended. brad shot his worst round in decades, but at the end of the day we had a good time.
now i am home and sleepy.
off to sleep.
weak and rather be fishin.
goodbye brett favre.
td
i went fishing. bass fishin' that is. i put on an exhibition of course. the wind was frustrating but because i am a competitor and experienced angler, i pushed through with several big fish and a strong total for the day. even though fishing is somewhat sedentary i was exhausted when we finished. my guide(he may have been fishing too, i just cant remember because i was busy catching all the fish) viewed the day as a disappointment because we only caught about 15 fish. he pointed out when we were leaving that telling people we caught 15 fish would seem suspicious. so for all the naysayers out there we caught exactly 15 fish. had we caught 12 fish, yes i would have said we caught about 15 fish, had we caught 16 i would have probably said we caught about 20. by the way if you don't fish.. you need to. its one of those activities that makes you curse with excitement and curse out of frustration.
thursday night
road to houston in a 'BIG TRUCK'. that is what my wife calls eighteen wheelers. it was a big truck but we were not pulling a trailer which is known in the biz as bobtailed. we made good time cuz there were not many pigs or evil canevils out. plus we went around by grandmas house to miss the chicken coupes. i am not sure what all that means but it is CB talk. it means there were no cop cars or motorcycle cops out and about and we didnt have to stop at any rest areas because we went around the weigh stations. i fell asleep and woke up to find my father-in-law to have finished most of the work that i came to help him with. it was not a proud moment but it is a great testament to his ageless durability and effort to outwork kids nearly half his age. we arrived back in ruston after noon friday.
worked friday and saturday night.
sunday night
i went to a keith urban concert with my wife and her family. it was actually really good. i decide how much i enjoy concerts based on how willing i would be to go back. i would go back any time. i was surprised at how handsome he was.. i mean talented. talented. he played a mandoline and played his guitar like a drum... not at the same time but at different times during the event.. his songs are pop country-ish but it was very entertaining...i would recommend it.
i left the concert around 10:15 and drove to Lafayette. i made it in a landspeed record. i went there to caddy for a friend (buh, BP, B, brad) it was a bad day playing wise.. there were gale force winds against us or across us all day.we had three holes that i can remember that had a tail wind. one player in our group hit a 3 wood about 140 yds long and 60 yards off target.the shot was followed by the other two players including brad hitting a ball half as far as intended. brad shot his worst round in decades, but at the end of the day we had a good time.
now i am home and sleepy.
off to sleep.
weak and rather be fishin.
goodbye brett favre.
td
Saturday, March 1, 2008
oferfebruary
sorry about february. more to come in '08. i havent quit. keep on keepin on people.
gotta give 'em what they want.
shaw
gotta give 'em what they want.
shaw
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